What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
