With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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