hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
