Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
