What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize