as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
