I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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