walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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