I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
