You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize