we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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