I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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