Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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