I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
