I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
