what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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