next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
