Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
