Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
