You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
