wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
