So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
