How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
why do cheetos always look like penises
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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