went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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