I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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