Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
