I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My vagina is officially offended.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
