how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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