it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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