Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
