my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
