I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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