I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
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oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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