Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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