Little spoons don't ask big questions
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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