All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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