Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
