riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
and you fell through a lawn chair
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
