You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
