now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
