the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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