Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
