OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
