Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
