Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
