Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You can't motorboat a personality
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
