I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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