I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
we should paint friendship bongs
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
