she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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