I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wear drunk well.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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