Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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