Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
