I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
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