You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
