Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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