One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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