I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
