so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
