I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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