I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.