I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
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we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it