i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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